Marriage, babies, and going to bed angry

We all have this fantasy about how our lives will turn out, how successful we’ll be, and how perfect our marriage and our children are going to turn out. The keyword to all of that is fantasy. No one tells you the hard truths of marriage and kids before you have them. Everyone always says how great it will be. No one ever tells you how much of a struggle it will be to find a new career even with a degree just that you need to get a degree to go anywhere in life. We have mastered the art of telling everyone how great everything is, but we haven’t grasped the truth as a society.

Marriage is hard, and it’s work. You have to work to make things work. When the going gets tough, you can’t just say let’s get a divorce. At least that’s not how I was taught to do things. You will disagree, you will be over the moon with excitement, and there will be days you will be just exhausted. Take it from me, and sometimes it’s okay to be angry and go to bed. Sometimes things are left best until the next day because you can’t fight anymore. The other day my husband and I got into an argument, and no matter what was said, nothing was going to change that night. Now I love my husband, but we are like every other marriage, we have good days, and we have bad days. It was a bad day, and I went to bed, angry, and guess what? The world didn’t fall apart. It was for the best that I just went to bed because we would keep fighting no matter what I said. After all, it was one of those days. The next day we got up and talked about things like married adults should.

We have both been dealing with a lot of changes in our personal and professional lives. He’s trying to find his happiness and trying to make career moves to get there. I’m trying to navigate the waters of being a new mom and finding my way in the professional world. We are both tired, and he’s working long hours. I’m working from home part-time and part-time at the restaurant while trying to be a mom for most of the day. I’m up numerous times a night feeding her and getting her to calm down when she wakes up scared. I’m trying to figure out if I should find a new job or put my career on hold, should I be more of a mom and lose part of myself or focus on myself and lose time with her? Mom-guilt is a real thing, and it is hard, and trying to explain it to people who haven’t been in that position do not understand it.

All I know is I was given so much “advice” when it came to marriage and my daughter. Most of it was useless because most of it didn’t apply to my scenarios. Mostly because people don’t want to be honest about their dirty laundry, I can’t blame them. I don’t always tell people all the issues because sometimes it’s terrible or embarrassing. After all, I’m not the perfect mom or wife. Sometimes I’m wrong, and sometimes I’m right, but it isn’t always about being wrong or right. It is about being able to work it out as a team.

If it were easy, everyone would be parents, spouses, and professionals, but it’s hard work, give yourself grace and know everything, and everyone is not perfect. You will find a rhythm, you will find what works for your life, and at the end of the day, your family and your happiness are what matter most. People will judge, they will say you don’t do things right, they will tell you don’t love people as much if you don’t sacrifice everything for them. You can’t give your all if you don’t have your whole self to give. Sometimes momma, wife, career lady needs a break, and we need to remember to provide that.

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