Bella Got Her Groove Back, Well Kinda

It’s been about a month since I started my new job, and Ainsley started school. Both of us full time and ready to conquer the world, at least in my mind that’s how it was gonna go. Well for one thing Ainsley is killing it at daycare, she is thriving, making friends and eating all the food she can. Momma on the other hand is not thriving, more like surviving, barely. I just keep telling myself it pays the bills for now and everything will workout. It is just the most unfulfilling job of my entire life, I just feel that if I’m going to give up time with my daughter I should at least be happy. Right now, no one is happy at that company and it is basically an on going joke about how much everyone hates it there.

So me, I am back to square one of what the hell do I want to be when I grow up? It’s funny I’m almost 30 and still have no clue what I am doing with my life. I know there are somethings that I am very passionate about event planning and decorating my house. So trying to find a career that is fulfilling is hard, I want to feel like what I am doing is worth something and not just living the whole week for Friday to finally hit. It’s weird to me that so many people stay in something forever and hate every ounce of it. I don’t want my daughter to see me like that, especially after years of fighting with her father to make a career change so he wasn’t so miserable. I want her to know it is okay to absolutely love your job, it is okay to be happy all the time and not hate everything because so many other people do.

So while I am so entirely happy Ainsley is thriving, I have to do something else. So after a few interviews this last week, I am hoping that it all starts to come together. I’m sure it will, it was just another one of those things that didn’t go to plan, but honestly what does these days?

While my life isn’t entirely what I thought it would be by now and I am still trying to figure out what I want to be. I do know that my daughter is amazing. My husband I am grateful for even though we have our days, but being marry is all about learning and growing. He also feeds me amazing food everyday, so I am so very grateful for that. I know this will all workout and things happen for a reason, I took this opportunity to leave my old job and I think it was just to get me out the door finally. I believe it was a stepping stone on to the next chapter.

We’ll get there, we always do!

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